Swearing Off
by everyone'ssister
Summary: Tag for 11.18 "Besides, didn't we say we were gonna swear off getting in the way when one person makes a choice the other didn't agree with?"
Tag for 11.18 "Besides, didn't we say we were gonna swear off getting in the way when one person makes a choice the other didn't agree with?"

Tag for Hell's Angel, 11.18.

SWEARING OFF

In his time, Dean Winchester has sworn off a lot of different things. Everyone swears off stuff, you know, everyone has their Achilles foot. Their one weakness, and of course everyone tries to put a stop to being weak. Maybe some people had more than one, maybe two, or three. But for a Winchester, especially Dean Winchester, he didn't even want to think about all his stumbling blocks.

For Dean most everything left him feeling a little guilty. Like he should have done more, given more. Taken less. But confession time; Dean rarely kept his word if he swore off something. There were a few times Sam had backed him into a corner and made him promise to stop drinking so excessively...he'd kept that promise pretty good. Dean's fairly certain he no longer qualifies as an alcoholic. He and Sam still drank a lot of beer, and enjoyed the occasional fine liquor (Dean blamed Bobby for both of those) but they both balance each other out.

He'd sworn off of plenty of things that made him feel guilty. Drinking, guilt tripping Sam (after that old abandoned church he'd never blame Sam for anything ever again) he'd sworn off black magic, Sam had broken that pledge. He'd sworn off asking the Angels or demons for help. Sworn off striking any deals with Crowley, in fact, sworn off making any deals at all. He'd sworn off crying about anything ever again (he really sucked at that one) and he'd sworn off all girls with black masks and an affinity for slapping because honestly, he just enjoyed it...way too much. Appealed to his dark side way to much.

So after a frankly, EXTREMELY stressful day, of course it was Crowley had been there, Dean sits in the map room. Once he and Sam had drunk enough beer to have enough bottles he starts setting up for some table bowling because honestly, if he doesn't lighten the mood he's going to break one of his promises...like the alcohol one.

He hasn't the slightest idea where Sam fished up a baseball but his brother hands it to him along with a fresh, cold beer and they start a match. Two out of three, apparently the rules Sam must live his entire life by. It's always two out of three everything. Bowling, cards, drinking games...rock, paper, scissors. (There's a sore spot.)

Sam was currently leading, but only by a few points.

Dean's frankly more than willing to just play their game and not think about their day. Or the fact that Dean had called to Cas and...nothing. They had found a way out for him, had risked...everything to give him an opportunity, to get out to come back to them. Dean thought, he doesn't even know what he thought. Maybe it was a fool's hope, it had been stupid to expect it to pan out. To expect anything to pan out, they were Winchesters and they'd shared their curse with Cas a long time ago.

Dean may not be able to recognize his own issues but he knew Sam's and Cas'. Their lack of self worth, they're guilt at not being able to save EVERYONE, Dean will never understand how they don't see how they're worth so much more than him, more than the war their raging. Maybe it was because the war wasn't worth it to Dean if Sam and Cas didn't survive. Maybe Cas and Sam were different, maybe they could live with those consequences.

Dean was more than willing to sacrifice, but he didn't want to go on knowing he breathed and lived because Sam or Cas gave everything up. It was selfish, he was fully aware. A lot of people had told him, Sam, Billie...he saved the people he loved for himself, because he couldn't go on without them. He fought to save the world because he couldn't live under the crushing weight of knowing he was to blame.

It was a stupid thing to swear off of, and once again he'd done it for Sam. But to swear off of helping each other make up for a stupid decision seemed a little intense. He'd made mistakes and Sam and Cas had busted their asses to save him. Same for Sam, same for Cas in the past. Dean wasn't about to quit. For Sam or not.

And besides they let Cas make his choice, they let Lucifer have his shot and he blew it. It was time for Cas to admit he was wrong and let them help him, it was time to have him back.

"Well, let's go find that idiot and bring him home."

...

Sam knows denying yourself something is a lot more complicated than just simply swearing off of it. Swearing off of something, saying you're not going to do something was a lot easier and simpler than actually keeping your word. Trust him he knows. Demon blood was ugly, gory, he never truly wanted it in his right mind. But then he'd smell it, see it. Darker and thicker than human blood, and sickeningly sweet and silky sliding down his throat, spreading warmth and power buzzing through his veins and body. Causing his brain to jump alive, the dark energy to tingle at his finger tips.

Sam Winchester didn't struggle with the petty things that made his brother all the more an endearing person. (Though he'd never tell Dean that.) Those things never really tempted him. It was the darker things that were his weakness. The high of demon blood, the high of the hunt, the high of the kill. He actually loved the obsession of staying up countless hours on end researching and scouring for answers until his eyes burned and his brain lost all inhibitions and he kind of floated amongst the words he read.

He was just as screwed up as his brother, if not more. As he said before, Dean's vices were a touch endearing. (Except for that comment about girls and masks and slapping, he really REALLY did not need to know that.)

He guesses they're probably both screwed, because he knows Dean won't leave Cas alone, and Sam won't leave Dean on his own to save him. And Sam had started another freaking apocalypse saving Dean, was he really going to deny them the right to save their friend who had sacrificed in order to try and rectify that? No. And he fully agreed with Dean.

They may have sworn off of it. It had sounded really good. But he doubts either of them really meant it. He doubts either of them could really, truly let the other go.

So when Dean recalls their words, sounding like he's going to go through with it, Sam is surprised to say the least. Then his brother casually throws out there right before he crashes beer bottles to the table top and the floor that they're going to bring Cas home.

And it might be selfish and ugly and wrong, but Sam is relieved. That was Dean Winchester. That was his brother. And he might hate it sometimes, but he loves that Dean manages to somehow balance (most of the time) the right decision and the heart decision in a way Sam has never been able to.

They gave Cas and Lucifer they're shot and they blew it, it was time to get Dean's angel back, time to get their best friend back.

"So if Amara was following Rowena she knows we want her dead, that we are trying to kill her, so why'd she let us go?" He asks, after a moment of silence after Dean's quiet, fond suggestion that they go find 'the idiot.'

Dean shrugs as Sam sets the bottles back up for him and throws him the baseball. "Well, I mean, we're not much of a threat." Dean leans down low aiming, "Sure we brought all the players together but we can't actually do anything to her. Without a hand of God or even a way to find her when we do have one...we're just pesky little humans. We're all gonna be destroyed if her master plan takes place." Dean rolls his eyes, and makes his shot.

Amara's whole remake the earth and all the crap really pisses him off. It's one thing getting released and taking over, but an entirely other matter just totally renovating, think about it, earth doesn't suck all that bad.

Dean manages to knock out all but two of the bottles, the ball falling off the table and rolling across the floor. Sam heaves up and sets the bottles right, and then walks to the end chair, his turn. Dean retrieves the ball and tosses it to him.

"So how about you?" Sam asks.

"What about me?" Dean asks back, standing behind his shoulder, waiting to watch his shot.

Sam looks up and over his shoulder at him, "I mean, what's Amara's plan for you? Didn't she say you guys were bonded or some shit? Just, if you are bonded and there's something 'special' going on there, I doubt she plans on offing you, dude." Sam lets the ball go as his arm straightens and knocks all but one of the bottles over making him the winner.

"Whatever," Dean says. And Sam's not sure if he means the game or Amara. Dean takes a swig from his beer bottle, "All I know is if humanity's going down I am too, I don't care what Amara thinks she and I are gonna be or do, I'm not staying around to be teacher's pet or some crap."

Sam frowns and sighs, "But Dean, whatever that is probably saved our lives today, saved your life before, could be useful."

"Huh," Dean chuckles, sitting down in the chair beside Sam's.

"What?" Sam asks, watching his brother carefully. Trying to understand him. Curious to know how seeing Amara had impacted him today. It was one of the things Sam had tried to swear off of. Hating people who liked Dean, and somehow gained his friendship. Cas, in the beginning. Benny, Death...then there were all they're enemies that frankly seemed to love Dean. Cain, Amara, even Lucifer seemed to like Dean, Rowena didn't particularly mind him. And then there was Crowley. Oh, that was the worst one because Dean didn't seem to actually mind Crowley. Sam didn't even want to think about how Dean probably compared himself to the demon.

And Dean thought Sam and Cas had self worth issues?

"That's exactly what Cas said" Dean muses, "...well I though it was Cas, but Lucifer was already in him then."

Sam frowns again, see? there they go again, their nemesis' getting all chatty with his big brother. "We're gonna figure this out Dean." He says, leaning closer to his brother in his earnestness. "And if we gotta play dirty, then we gotta play dirty." He will literally tear Amara's head off before she takes his brother.

Dean nods, pursing his lips thoughtfully.

Sam was right, they'd done it before and they'd do it again.

Dean Winchester swore off a lot of things. But he knows where his loyalties lie, he knows what his responsibilities are. There was no swearing off saving the world, or swearing off trying to keep Sam alive. He couldn't swear off saving Cas. These were the things he would always do, that he never felt guilty over. Meaning it or not, these were the things he'd never swear off of, ever.

"Well, at least we're finally fighting SOMEONE with good taste." Dean says smoothly.

Sam makes a face. "Well, in that case all our enemies have been pretty classy."

"That's not true," Dean contradicts, "Azazel, he was like a pervy child watcher, and Lilith was stupid, she wanted my fine ass dead."

Sam laughs, "Half the population of women in the world must be stupid then."

"Shut up," Dean says smirking, "I never left anyone unhappy."

"I don't know, Crowley was letting off some serious regret vibes." Wait for it, wait for it...

"Dude! Ewwwwww...just ew, just get away from me," Dean shoves him back in his chair away from him, Sam goes willingly, laughing his head off.

Dean makes a run for it, shooting off towards the kitchen, Sam close on his heels.

"I dunno dude, is there an R-rated version of the misadventures of Crowley and squirrel?" He calls as he's gaining on Dean.

"Don't call me that!" Dean says exasperated as they arrive in the kitchen out of breath and laughing, Dean grabbing another beer from the fridge.

"Aww, is that his special nick name for you?" Sam purses his lips out and into a pout, giving Dean a mock sweet face. "Nobody else can call you that, is that it?"

"Shut up."

the end.

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